The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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