He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
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I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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