There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
