Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Panties = found
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
