i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
