yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
