i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
