His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
