shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want to have your abortion
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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