Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize