youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
