when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
