Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize