Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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