I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
