maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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