the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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