11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
