I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
