Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
