i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
