I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drunk is not a location!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
