I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
