I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?