yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do