I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.