textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize