Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
