ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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