Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
