Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
