I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
