weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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