Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
