Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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