I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
