I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
