Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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