So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize