I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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