There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
