What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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