Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
