Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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