It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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