i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
