Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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