Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
