Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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