why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize