I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
