Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
