Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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