We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
