last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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