Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
