these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
