Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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