I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
