lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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