Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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