so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
