if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
