Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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