My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
