we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
