According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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