You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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