We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
