Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
