I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
